As the Fiero Burns...

12:51AM - livejouRNAL...

I may be ready to start telling you about my life again.

12:40PM - Regardless of what happens apparently im inspired

Disclaimer: If you dont want to hear about her, dont read this. Its all nice inside, however.
( Read more... )

Current mood: contemplative

2:17AM

Things are so stressful right now. i feel like i am holding up three huge platters, and i am going to drop one, but i need all three in my life. Love ,Work, and play... those are the big 3 right? well.

Breath. Calm blue ocean. thank god for my friends. they tell me everything will be ok, and i think i can try to believe them.

5:56PM - The Degenerate Era

My band is doing pretty well.

Doing some new recordings, 5 members.

Its really rewarding actually. I seem to spend all my time outside of work on it however, it is like it own job. I definatly couldn't do it without joshes help.

its nice to have help from your friends.
You can check it out at
http://myspace.com/thedegenerateera

8:57PM - Letter to grandpa thanking him for the 92 celica convertible.

Dear Grandpa Merle, November 22 2009

I am writing you this letter to let you know of eternally grateful that you thought I should have your 92 Celica GT Convertible. I (like you) have always been a fan of cars, and your Celica is an amazing automobile that shows the years of work you put in to maintenance and care. I figured that I would let you know that it may be the most well care for car that I have ever set my eyes on. It has inspired me to continue the legacy that you have set with regular maintenance and have plan some needed minor repairs. The car is pristine and turns heads regularly, as its so rare to see a car of its age in such great shape. I have owned many cars(and still do) but never a convertible. Its been great fun being out in the sun with the wind in my hair, shifting a smoothy operating machine with incredible ride and a feel for the road. I also wanted to detail you in some of our adventures in bringing the new toy across the United States to its new home in Vancouver Washington. So I suppose I should begin.

As you may remember we me and Jennifer set out in September from your residence. As we left we stopped by the Wal-Mart in Champaign, and visited the UI campus as Jennifer's father (who passed away in 2005) went to college at the campus in Urbana. We had the top down, and it was exhilarating! When we got gas we continued the tradition of marking down the mileage,amounts, and location in the black book. I have marked every fillup since as well (although I am running out of room, and may need a new book!) After that, we got on the freeway and put the top up, for a uneventful journey back to Uncle John's in Chicago. You make see the first picture of the car being lower from Uncle John's lift! It is a very nice set up in his garage in Chicago, designed to fit two cars in a one car space.

Fast forward to November 4, 2009. Jennifer, My friend Heather Jones, and myself arrive at O'Hare International Airport at 7:30PM. Uncle John picks all up from the Airport, and drives us back to his condo. There the car awaits, undisturbed just as I left it two months early. The next day finds the lot of us cruising around Chicago seeing millennium park, Uno's Pizza, and the water tower along Michigan Ave. We spend another night at my uncles before heading out in the morning.

The following morning begins our journey with a careful packing of the trunk. I proceeded to do this with the top down as to make sure that if we decided to put the top down at any point, it would not crush anything in the trunk! A quick goodbye and an 11Am start has us pulling into Rockford at about 130 pm. We wanted to stop by and visit Stevie, and show her the car! Of course, we had a long journey back home (over 2000 miles!) so we did not stay long. Saying our goodbyes at about 330, we headed out with the top down on the open road. I sat in back for the first time, and with the wind in my hair and some tunes on the radio we began the long journey home. We kept the top down and watched a beautiful purple Illinois sunset, which I have included a picture of, as well as me in the back seat in a “Chicago, the windy city” T-shirt.

I told the girls (Jennifer and Heather) that the rest of the journey was up to them. I was happy, I had the people I loved by my side, and a beautiful new car, as well as a few much needed days away from home. Whatever they wanted to go or see, was fine with me. So we headed northwest, to the Mall of America in Minnesota. (That was where the girls wanted to go, and who was I too say no?) Along the way we stopped in Wisconsin and took a picture of a Big cheese sign. We arrived at a hotel near the Mall of America at 1230 Am to get some sleep before exploring this monument to shopping the following morning. This did not stop the girls from driving to the enterance to take pictures before we went to sleep!

The following morning after a good nights rest packed up and prepared to go to the Mall of America. I used this opportunity to put the bra on the Celica as I did not want to chip the front end with any rocks on its cross country journey. After some help from Heather, and about 20 minutes it was finally on and we were ready to go. We arrived at the Mall and parked on the 4th floor of one of four separate parking garages! The mall itself was setup very efficiently. For being over 4 million square feet, it was relatively easy to get around in. However with 520 stores, it was easy to miss things. We did not buy much, allow the store selection was unique, and in sharp contrast to malls in general, it has some flair and things to offer that we not generic and overpriced. I was able to buy a vintage PEZ dispenser for my friend back home who collects them. We left in the afternoon and continued back onto the open road.

The rest of our journey was fairly straight forward. We passed through North Dakota first, and stopped at a restaurant shaped like an alien space ship. The inside was decorated as well, and had fake alien bodies, and a lot of interesting architecture and memorabilia relating to aliens and Science fiction in general. The food was actually pretty good as well! I stopped to take a picture of the Celica in front of the restaurant. After leaving we crossed into Montana stopping at 3 am at a small Rest Area and take a much needed break from driving.

The next morning at 9, we depart from the rest area. Montana stretches out long and deserted, which towns few and far between, and the state line never seeming to come. By the time we reach Idaho it is dark and after 7 PM. We see some snow at this point, and I take over driving. The Celica behaves perfectly in the adverse conditions, and I keep it slow and steady for about 20 miles, at which point the snow stopped and we had clear conditions all the way into Washington.

We cross Washington diagonally, to jump across the river into Oregon and pick up Interstate 84. This may seem strange since our destination is in Washington, but the Oregon highway is much more of a straight show and is much faster then taking its companion 2 lane state route 14 in Washington. We arrive in Portland at about 1 AM, and then at home at about 130AM Monday morning in Vancouver. The car gave us no problems, and took us home safely after an incredible journey.

The following day I proceed to show the car to my co-workers and friends, who are all very impressed. Mom comes by to look at the car, and we negotiate to allow me to store it in her garage in her new house that she recently purchased. I was worried about my cats clawing at cloth roof, and since mom has no cats, and an extra space, this seemed ideal. I don't plan to drive it often anyway, and she lives only 1 mile from my house, so when I want to use the car, I have been driving over to her house, parking my 1995 Saturn Coupe (also a manual transmission) and driving the Celica. When I am done it gets stored safely back in her enclosed garage, and my other car is there waiting for me.

After I got my first day off following the trip, I spent the day cleaning the car. I was able to vacuum and detail the interior with armor all, as well as give the whole car a very good scrub and wash. After driving across the country, many bugs has made there way onto the paint, as they tend to do. The car now is always put away clean. I also have been getting qoutes on having the hole in the rear plastic window repaired. After taking it to a few shops in town, I have decieded on a man in portland that does show car upholstery for replacing it. I am saving the money, but for $500 dollars he is going to remove the convertible top, and restitch all the tattered threads as well as replace the rear window and fix up the headliner as it seems to be coming apart a bit on the inside. After he is done, the convertible top should look as good as new! This is the first step in keeping this car pristine as I cannot allow water to seep in through the current hole in the rear window. Other future repairs are going to include removing an traces of rust from the bottom of the chassis, and replacing the clutch as it appears to be pretty worn out as well. I also would like to fix the small dent by the gas door. I want you to know that I don't plan on ever selling the Celica, but instead keeping it as family legacy, and restoring it to perfect condition. After all the work that you put into in keeping it nice, I figure it deserves that. Maybe I will hand it down to my children if and when there ready.

Thank you with all my heart Grandpa. Your part of the best family a man could ask for.

Your Grandson,



Alexander Nicholas Santos

5:04AM

Im not whining online for once (which is good)

We are all crappy in our own way. You trade one set of flaws for anouther. You can keep trading over and over again thinking your going to find the perfect thing, flawless and beautiful, but your blind because the grass isnt any greener when you get there. Yes it may be a different color, more red, blue, yellow... but it definatly is not one bit greener, or at least by any reasonable amount. Trade up, trade up you say... but you only go sideways. I for one have better things to do. A life to move forward with, and goals to concur. Why pretend that i need to keep learning this lesson? Working on the same aspect over and over again is taking up time i should be using to better myself and others, while pursuing goals.Farthermore, I've come to the conclusion that to think your on a better path then anyone else is foolish. Only time can decide that, and you can't see the future.

10:20AM

I think this is almost to hard on me.

12:16AM

GOING to burning man... WILL be gone for over a week til Labor day... Its a 14 hour car drive, and no phone service, so i imagine ill be out of contact with everyone. GOOD luck to me! lol and ETHANS NEON GREEN VAN. we have been fixing it up all month to prepare for this trip. The labor paid my way to go... including a 250 dollar ticket!
whoot.

thanks all, and peace out.
-alex

1:12AM - err...

I really want a child. Sometimes it seems impossibly far away. Alot of my friends have them already. Some may not know how lucky they are. Most may not understand how important it is to me, or why. Patricks new baby, has me thinking alot. I like holding her.
You wouldnt peg me for the kind of guy who would be wasting my breath thinking about this... but... i am, weather or not anyone believes it.


and ya. I worry about things that im sure are silly. Like what if i am one of those rare people who has something wrong with him and cant have  kid? I mean i guess i dont know until i really try, with a person i can trust.  But still i worry. I wish i knew that everything would be ok. I guess you can never really know that though. You can only try with good intentions and logic and love.

10:53PM

"Most folks are as happy as they make there minds out to be." -Abe Lincoln

10:37PM

"We are interested in others, when they are interested in us."

1:10AM

1:03AM

(damn. It was my dads birthday today (the 28). I just texted him. Hopefully he isnt disapointed.)

12:53AM

I learned to ride a motor cycle today.

10:50PM

Today im doing laundry.

Normally, i don't do laundry because im a little bit scared of the laundry room, and it never comes out right, plus i have no where to put my clothes, but lately when ive been going out, ive been embarrassed at wearing the same clothes day after day. It certainly does not make it seem like you have your shit together. ... So today i am doing it. Hopefully it comes out ok.

I worked on the Breakfast nook til like 6 am last night.
I was trying to go to bed at one, but i couldn't sleep. At about 3 i wake up and blake is awake as well. Blake sat with me, and i ended up giving the whole thing another coat of paint, and then painting all the trim white. I remember it being 6:48 when i looked at my phone, before going to bed.

When i woke up, at maybe 2, i then took down all the masking tape and paper, and started cleaning up the edges, and scraping the floor of loose paint, and the lower edges. I didn't quite finish that, but i got enough done to clean the table and put it back. It looks really nice. I will post more pictures tomorrow. I'm really trying to do a good job and be thorough.

Basically, today was a day of orginizing life and such. Oh ya, Brenda did stop by, i haven't seen her in about a month, and we talked about her bf, and me and Lexi breaking up... and i made some spaghetti for dinner. She seemed impressed by the breakfast nook. Everyone likes to play with the kittens when they come over, they are getting really big, and seem super cute... so that appears to be the main attraction atm.

I think i am all out of public updates, now just to sit in my mind a bit more....

3:54AM

I often wonder if i am living in dream world, or if i have been til now and just woke up.


The irony is, i can never be sure. Hell, Maybe i'm half awake and just bumbling around.

11:44PM - thoughts that might turn into lyrics.

1.
I need to stop fighting and wishing that other people would play along. If you really don't want to be here then go, But i shouldn't have to beg you to stay. I'm worth it so fuck you.

2.
If you think you are better then everybody else, then your not, and at least I am willing to admit it. Ya, I'm just someone.
3.
I think I am done being a hippie. No one likes hippies anyway, and everyone is selfish, so to think that they won't be is foolish.

2:33AM - Subways lines of light

The lines of light
They tell my mind
I'm a child...
Time passes by
And from it I
Can not hide...

The seasons know
But they won't show
They won't let go....

Nobody now
No matter now
Time is slow...

Ah Oh Oh//// Ah oh oh///Oh oh

Ah Oh Oh//// Ah oh oh///Oh oh

11:09PM - Weezer Pardon me

I tried my best
I gave my all
Sometimes my best wasn't good enough
For you
Sometimes I let you go
Sometimes I hurt you so
I know that I can be the meanest person in the world

[Chorus:]
So I apologize to you
And to anyone else that I hurt too
I may not be a perfect soul
But I can learn self control
So pardon me! pardon me! pardon me my friend!

I never thought
That anyone
Was more important than the plans
I made
But now I feel the shame
There's no one else to blame
For all the broken hearts scattered on the field of war

[Chorus:]
So I apologize to you
And to anyone else that I hurt too
I may not be a perfect soul
But I can learn self control
So pardon me! pardon me! pardon me my friend!

[guitar solo]

Sometimes I let you go
Sometimes I hurt you sooo!
I know that I can be the meanest person in the world..

[Chorus:]
So I apologize to you,
And to anyone else that I hurt too,
I may not be a perfect soul
But I can learn self control
And in my heart I feel its true
So I'll be there with you!!!

So pardon me
Pardon me
Pardon me my friend
Pardon meeeee
My friendddd
Pardon meee
My frienddd...

7:28PM

I'm working on the breakfast nook.

I feel horrible.